


Bitter Dream

by pandorasv13



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Friendship/Love, M/M, Physical Abuse, Swearing, Tragedy, Unrequited Love, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 12:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasv13/pseuds/pandorasv13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I never regretted it until the night you left me,” he whispered, “I never thought words could do anything. I never let myself accept the warmth you gave me. I wanted to blame you for tying me down. But then you set me free and I didn’t know where I was floating anymore.” Kyuhyun ground his teeth, eyes narrowing in suppressed emotions. “You only left for five minutes. Five minutes of being alone and I couldn’t stand it. Even when we were apart, I knew you would welcome me no matter what I did or said.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bitter Dream

 

“Credit or debit?”

“Credit.”

“And how will be you paying today, sir?”

“Debit.”

“What will be your form of payment?”

“Check.”

“The total comes to $435.67.”

“Charge it.”

“$1,276.98”

“$2,000”

“$3,497.76”

 

Kyuhyun shoved the master bedroom’s double doors open, the heavy wood slamming back against either cream colored wall. The crash echoed all throughout the silent mansion, none of the maids or butlers daring to utter a noise after such blatant violence from their master.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” he screamed at the slender young man lounging on the window cushions. Kyuhyun stalked over to him, snatching up his collar and jerking him up. “When I ask you a question, you answer me. Have you forgotten something so simple?” he bit out, shoving the man away.

Ryeowook flew, skidding across the hardwood floor. A soft gasp burst from him, but other than that he did nothing to show his pain. He sat up slightly, holding the arm that had smashed into the floor. “Welcome home, dear…,” he murmured, refusing to make eye contact with his husband, “I haven’t seen you in forever…”

“Is that what your ridiculous shopping spree was about? Did you just want to see me so badly?” he spat, raking fingers through his hair. Kyuhyun shook with fury, considering kicking the already fallen man.

He shook his head, fingers curling tighter around his hurt arm. “You cheat on me every night,” Ryeowook breathed, “I just buy enough to equal the amount you spend on those whores.”

Kyuhyun kneeled down, the palm of his hand racing across Ryeowook’s cheek. The latter’s head snapped to the side, face burning from the hit. Standing back up, Kyuhyun grabbed one of the still unopened shopping bags and threw it across the room, shattering whatever fragile item had been inside it. “YOU’RE A FUCKING NUISANCE. WHY DO YOU DO THIS SHIT?” He fought the urge to hit Ryeowook again and simply turned away, running both hands through his hair. “I married you out of fucking pity. Don’t you _ever_ forget that,” Kyuhyun hissed, “I only ever fucked your disgusting, faggot body because I felt bad for your pathetic self.”

He laughed then, trying to cover his mouth to calm the raucous noise. “Seriously, if your family hadn’t pushed me to marry you, I would’ve never even given you a second look. I’m straight, you shit face. So stop spending my money like it’s yours.” Kyuhyun headed for the door, not looking back to see if his husband was alright. “And don’t you dare kill yourself. I fucking swear, I don’t want to have to give a fucking ass eulogy for a putrid gay like you.”

Then the door slammed shut.

Ryeowook stared down at the floor, wondering for the hundredth time, just what made him want to marry someone like Kyuhyun? Why had he begged his mother and father to let them be together? Why did he desperately try to be with this man? He had done everything. He stole Kyuhyun away from the girl he loved. He convinced himself that they weren’t good for one another. Yet in the end, all Ryeowook got was an empty mansion, and a husband who lived countries away. They never saw one another. Kyuhyun made sure of that.

 

He had already cried enough over the years. Crying anymore would be useless. Trying to suicide had failed as well. The only thing left was…Ryeowook reached inside of the shopping bags, pulling out a folder of papers. It was the one…it was the one thing he just couldn’t bring himself to do. It would mean giving up on Kyuhyun finally. There was no way to change his mind after this. Kyuhyun would be so free and happy…and Ryeowook would be free to die.

It wasn’t an overstatement. It had never been an overstatement. Ryeowook still remembered that first day he met Kyuhyun. They were just children, barely ten years old. Ever since then, he had spent his entire life building up to be the perfect partner for that pretty boy. His existence was built around someone who didn’t even want him in the end.

Once those papers were signed, everything would finally end for Ryeowook. He didn’t mind though. Really, he couldn’t mind.

In his life, all twenty four years, he had accomplished all he wanted.

He married the person he loves.

He was never hungry or without shelter.

He made friends.

He returned all of the favors his parents had done him.

He slept with the person he loves.

And now, well, it wasn’t on his list, but now, he would divorce the person he loves.

It’s really alright though, because there was always one last thing Ryeowook wanted to do. He knew it would be the last thing he would ever do.

He would make the person he loves happy.

 

***

 

“You are such a fag,” Changmin laughed, rolling onto his stomach as he looked at his friend.

Kyuhyun took a swig from his beer, chuckling. “Maybe.” The soil bed sheets slipped down his body, tangling around both of them as they lied in the afterglow of adultery.

“Why do you always use being gay as a way to put your hubby down, then?” Changmin prompted mildly, lighting a cigarette and bringing it to his lips. “You’re totally cool with fucking dudes, so I don’t get it.”

“It’s just him,” Kyuhyun shrugged, taking another powerful swig. “Whenever I see him, I want to hit him. He’s the reason I’m tied down.”

“Tied down?” the man scoffed, “Do you see where you are right now? You’re not tied down bro. Try a different reason for hating your husband.”

Kyuhyun paused, thinking. “I probably don’t hate him. I just don’t like him. He pisses me off with all of his emotions. Whenever I’m around him, I feel like I’m being suffocated.”

“That’s called affection, you cold hearted douche,” Changmin rolled his eyes, “No one has ever loved you, except for that poor sap.”

“I don’t want to be loved then,” he responded stubbornly. “That’s probably obvious considering I beat the shit out of him every time we’re in the same room together.” Kyuhyun laughed, taking the cigarette from Changmin for a puff.

The latter took the beer in return. “Why do you beat on him?” he asked curiously, “you’re not really violent in general.”

“Why are you suddenly so interested in my marital life?” he snapped, exchanging their after sex items again. Kyuhyun finished off the bottle and looked outside his hotel room window. “I already told you. Every time I see him, I just know he’s going to say something that makes me angry. I end up hitting him to make him shut up.”

Changmin smirked a little, not commenting on that particular thing. “Let me get into my marriage counselor mode,” he cleared his throat, and spoke freshly in a smooth voice, “What does he say that upsets you?”

“I don’t need a therapist right now. And you would be the worst marriage counselor if you’re sleeping with me,” Kyuhyun replied, glowering. Silence passed and still, Changmin was waiting. Seeing no escape, he shrugged and sighed. “He’ll say things like he loves me. He’ll tell me welcome home even though it’s not even really my home. He’ll ask if I’m hungry. He’ll tell me he’s jealous of the people I pick over him.” His voice suddenly grew colder and his eyes darkened more. “The thing I hate most about him has to be that he never looks me in the eye anymore. I can’t remember the last time we made eye contact. I also can’t remember the last time he smiled at me. I mean, I don’t care that much, but it’s just rude.”

“Slapping him around is pretty rude too,” Changmin remarked. He wanted to call his friend cute at that moment. For all of the shit he did to his husband, underneath it all was just a broken, sad, unloved boy. Of course, he could never tell Kyuhyun that. The guy would murder him for making such an assumption.

But that was all Changmin could see when he watched Kyuhyun talk about Ryeowook. He loved the feelings being showered on him. But it was just like a little kid who has a crush. He was treating the one person he actually saw differently…well, badly.

Changmin shook his head. “You’re a lost cause sometimes.”

“How?” Kyuhyun snapped, frowning.

“Wanna go for another round?” he changed the subject, putting the cigarette out in a tray.

 

“Where are you going, master?” one of the butlers asked as Ryeowook walked towards the front door, divorce papers in hand.

“I’m going to run some errands. Kyuhyun is staying in the city until his flight tomorrow morning right?”

The butler nodded carefully. “But sir…are you sure you want to go like that? Your face is still swollen from earlier.”

Ryeowook just smiled – smiled with his whole heart. “It’s fine. I don’t care.” He waved goodbye to the staff standing around the entry way. They returned the farewells, not understanding what that chill in the air was.

 

***

 

Kyuhyun let the towel drop to his neck as he headed towards the door. In the bedroom, he could hear Changmin getting dressed. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he saw that it read eleven o’clock at night. Who would be visiting at that hour? Had Changmin ordered room service again?

Turning the handle, he pulled the door open and felt his heart quicken. His eyes wandered to the forming bruise on the man’s cheek, but then he saw the smile on Ryeowook’s face and suddenly there was something bursting in his chest. Kyuhyun translated that warmth to anger and quickly clenched his fists, getting ready to yell at the man for disturbing him so late at night.

“I want a divorce.”

His mouth shut.

Ryeowook opened the folder for Kyuhyun, a pen already set out. “Please.” He kept smiling, eyes focused on Kyuhyun’s face.

There was a hard pain in his chest, but he ignored it, blaming it on anger. It was such a silly thing to be asking at that hour of the night. Why couldn’t it wait until the morning? Then Kyuhyun remembered that he and Changmin were leaving early the next day. That was another thing he hated about his husband. Ryeowook always knew his schedule, no matter how far apart they were.

“Are you going to sign it?” Ryeowook asked after a good minute of silence. His brow furrowed slightly at Kyuhyun’s hesitation. He expected an immediate burst of joy from the man. What was going on? “Look,” Ryeowook began, his voice clear and careful, “This is the last thing keeping you from being happy, isn’t it? I want to make the person I love happy. I’m sorry for forcing you to stay with me for this long. It was wrong of me. So please, Kyuhyun, make yourself happy.” He laughed a little, nudging the folder forward.

Kyuhyun took the pen silently, his hand shaking for some reason. He peered at Ryeowook’s smiling, laughing expression again and felt that ball of heat rising in his body again. “Does your face hurt?” he asked, not meaning for his voice to come out so hoarse.

He signed the first box, and nearly staggered from the pain shooting through his heart.

What the hell?

Shaking it off, he initialed in another box, still trying to steady his hand.

“No, I’m used to it,” Ryeowook responded casually.

Kyuhyun stopped signing and looked at the man incredulously. “What do you mean you’re used to it?”

“You’ve punched me before too, Kyuhyun,” he said a little exasperated, “Things like this aren’t painful anymore. They happen a lot. You should know that since you’re the one who does it.” Ryeowook flipped a page, and indicated the last signature needed.

“Wait.” Kyuhyun stared at the final box and felt nauseated all of a sudden. He blinked a few times, one hand going to hold his stomach. “Before I sign this, I need to ask you. Why didn’t you stop loving me? I hit you…like that,” he nodded at the swollen cheek, “ _all_ the time…and I ignore you…and I call you things no one should ever be called. You can’t honestly love me. There’s no way you can.”

Ryeowook’s eyes widened at the question, but then his face melted back into that tender smile. “…Everyone, no matter how bad they are, has someone out there who will love them. I guess I’m that someone for you. And…And well, I never bothered to find the person who would love me for me.” He waved the divorce papers again, seeing the frozen expression on Kyuhyun’s face. “It’s okay though. I got to be with the person I love. That’s all I would ever want.”

Before Kyuhyun knew what was going on, his name was signed into that final box, and then the folder was closing. Ryeowook was still smiling as he bowed his head. “Goodbye, Kyuhyun. Thank you for your time. I really mean that,” he said softly, waving once before turning and leaving.

 

Changmin walked out of the bedroom and cocked an eyebrow. His friend was standing in an empty doorway, a pen in his hand. Slowly walking over to him, he looked at Kyuhyun’s stony face. “What’s going on? Who was at the door?”

“…He set me free.”

“What are you talking about?” Changmin pushed Kyuhyun, forcing him to turn to face him.

Kyuhyun looked down, then back up, but his eyes weren’t focused. “Ryeowook divorced me.”

Changmin’s face twisted with anger and then he shoved the other male out the door. “What the _fuck_ are you doing?!” he shouted, flinging his arm out. “Why did you let him do that? Why didn’t you stop him?”

“But…everything he said made sense,” he responded, voice flat, absent. “He knows I don’t love him—”

“You do love him, you cold bastard,” Changmin growled, fists clenched, “You just don’t know what love is! That’s why you’ve been acting like a little kid with a fucking crush! Kyuhyun, I can swear to the fucking heavens that Ryeowook is the only person who will _ever_ love you like that. No one, I promise you, would ever deal with your shit like he does.” Changmin shoved Kyuhyun again, jabbing a finger down the hall. “GO AFTER HIM ALREADY!”

As if automatic, Kyuhyun jerked to the side, stumbling and breaking into a sprint down the corridor. He ran straight into the elevator, punching the ground level button over and over again. There was adrenaline pouring through his veins, and that warmth which usually turned into anger…well, it stayed as warmth. Kyuhyun smiled to himself, panting a bit from the exertion of running.

He didn’t mind the ball of heat. It made him feel safe and secure. There was nothing to be scared of, right? Ryeowook would always be there. If he caught him and told him that he was the one person who loves Ryeowook, then they would finally be happy together.

That was all the man was looking for now, right? He had spent so many years with the one he loves, so now Kyuhyun could return the favor. Maybe…Maybe he could make Ryeowook happy. Maybe he could change someone’s life for the first time. He wanted to make the other man feel that ball of heat. He wanted to make Ryeowook confused and frustrated, and apparently that sweet, warm feeling of being loved.

 

Loud sirens pierced Kyuhyun’s ears. He was yanked back to reality as he slowed to a halt. Traffic had been held up by an accident. They were so common in the city. It looked like another driver in a hurry had hit another driver. Kyuhyun was about to brush it off when he heard screams coming from all sides.

A folder lay on the cement, dark liquid splattered the cover. His legs carried him forward, eyes unblinking as he neared it. Before his fingers could close around the folder though, a police officer was pushing him back.

“Sir, you need to stay behind the yellow tape,” the man ordered roughly.

“What happened?” Kyuhyun whispered, still struggling to get passed the officer.

“Sir, there’s been an accident. Two speeding cars collided on a pedestrian crossing—”

“NO!” Kyuhyun screamed, clawing at the man now. His vision blurred and his muscles shook. “NO, HE’S NOT DEAD! I’M TELLING YOU HE’S NOT DEAD!” he shrieked, sobbing and stumbling into the street.

A bloodied white blanket covered the victim. Paramedics were about to move the body, but instead froze. Kyuhyun slammed his fist into the ground, knuckles breaking over and over again. “THAT’S NOT FAIR, RYEOWOOK!” he cried harder. “YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON’T WANT TO BE FREE! YOU DIDN’T EVEN GIVE ME A CHANCE…y-you…you didn’t even give me a chance to change my mind…,” Kyuhyun covered his face, wailing outright as the world looked on.

 

***

 

“I didn’t write a eulogy.” Kyuhyun spoke quietly, black eyes circled with heavy shadows. His face was white, body thin. He held an envelope in his hands as he stood before the closed coffin. “Changmin tried to convince me to let other people attend your funeral,” he explained slowly, faintly, “but I refused. I let everyone else be with you when you were alive. I want…,” Kyuhyun looked down at the letter, swallowing hard, “I want to know that just once…when it was just the two of us, I didn’t hurt you.”

“I never regretted it until the night you left me,” he whispered, “I never thought words could do anything. I never let myself accept the warmth you gave me. I wanted to blame you for tying me down. But then you set me free and I didn’t know where I was floating anymore.” Kyuhyun ground his teeth, eyes narrowing in suppressed emotions. “You only left for five minutes. Five minutes of being alone and I couldn’t stand it. Even when we were apart, I knew you would welcome me no matter what I did or said.”

He laughed a little, bitterness spilling out. “Why couldn’t I be happy when you were happy? I want to redo it all. I want to fall in love with you and know it right away. I don’t want to wait until it’s too late and you’re gone again.” Kyuhyun couldn’t stop himself then and the tears spilled.

Covering his eyes, he tried to silence his own cries. The letter wrinkled in his unsteady grip. “Ryeowook, why are you leaving me?” he mumbled, voice cracking. “I won’t hit you anymore. I’m sorry I ever hit you. I’ll never call you those names again. I’ll live with you in our house. I’ll never call sleeping with you pity sex ever again. I’ll tell you I love you every day if you give me the chance…P-Please don’t be dead anymore. I’m changing. I’ll change as much as you want.” Kyuhyun dropped to his knees, trembling hand resting on the glossy coffin.

He wiped away the tears enough to look at the envelope again. Carefully, he tore it open, reading the top of the cream colored paper. _To Kyuhyun._

 

_Dear Love,_

_Am I already gone? I guess I am. I’m sorry for leaving you Kyuhyun. I don’t think you mind too much though. I’m sorry for holding you back so long. You’re finally free and you need to take advantage of that. I know you’ve been unhappy all these years. It was my selfish desires that caused so much bitterness in our marriage. I could’ve done so much more for you. If anything, I could’ve been a better punching bag. There are so many things I regret and if I ever had the chance, I would fix everything with you._

_Are you happy now?_

_I know you didn’t want to read anything at my funeral. That’s why I waited until after we were divorced to do this. I’m not actually sure how I’m going to leave this world. I considered a lot of options, but then I thought of the simplest one. I would just leave quietly. No one would have to worry about me, especially you._

_Now that things are done, I want you to know that I never wanted to be a burden. I was at times, most of the time probably, but that was never my intention._

_If possible, I wanted to make the person I love the happiest person in the world._

_Hopefully I succeeded before the end._

_Did I finally do something right with you, Kyuhyun? I would be so happy if I did._

_You really do mean the world to me. I know many people can say that without really meaning it, but I need you to know that I mean it with my whole heart. Ever since the day we met, I’ve been living for you. I just knew that day…I knew that you were the one I was meant to treasure._

_See, that day, I was going to run away. I hated my family. I hated their wealth and parties and false feelings. I wanted to be among people that knew how to breathe, knew how to live…know how to feel. But right as I was about to do it, you showed up. You were as arrogant as all of the people I had ever met, but there was something different about you. You knew how to feel your emotions. When you were little, you knew how to get angry, get sad, get happy, and get excited. I envied you, but then I came to love everything about you._

_Yes, that child did change into something different in the future, and I’ll always blame myself for that. It was me who made you feel those terrible things. I took away your emotions. I took it all away._

_I’m sorry, Kyuhyun. I’m sorry forever._

_Thank you for being my husband these past years._

_They were really the best years of my life._

_I can say, without a doubt, the only thing I’ll ever miss is you. You were my world. You will always be my world. Don’t worry, Kyuhyun. Even if no one else ever finds you, I’ll always be here. I’m always going to love you. You’re the only one._

_Thank you for giving me your emotions._

_Ryeowook_

 

***

 

_4 Years Later…_

 

Kyuhyun sighed, getting up and walking to the door. A hand caught his wrist and he turned his head to see Changmin looking at him. Standing up, he ushered a willing Kyuhyun out into the hallway, closing the door behind them. “C’mon man, you can’t hang on forever,” he said as gently as he could.

“How would you feel,” Kyuhyun began, rubbing his aching head, “if you were married to someone you never realized you loved? What if the moment you realized you loved that person was the same moment that person was ripped from you?”

“Yeah but…,” Changmin crossed his head, leaning back against the wall tiredly, “Kyuhyun, are you going to punish yourself until the day you die? It’s already been four years and you haven’t moved an inch.”

“You never read his final words to me,” he spat angrily, no longer so fragile that he would cry from thinking about the letter. In private was a different matter though. Kyuhyun stuffed his hands into pockets, taking a calming breath. “…just…whatever. I ruined his life. I let him die thinking that he had done something wrong. He…He died with regrets.” Not waiting for Changmin to say anything, he turned his back and started off. “I’ll be fine. Just go back to your women and booze.”

Kyuhyun stepped out of the bar, breathing in the fresh night air. He looked around the city street, seeing young people all around. Some were getting back from jobs, others were on dates, and still others were just playing around with their friends. For a long moment, he simply stood in front of the door, eyes following random groups of people.

And then his heart stopped.

There was a young man with a baseball cap on. He walked with casual, unguarded steps down the street. It was only for a split second, but Kyuhyun had seen his face. However, that was just impossible. There could be no way…

The man turned slowly, eyes focused on an envelope of money from his job apparently. Kyuhyun watched the crosswalk light flash the walking man, but there was always one car that just didn’t listen – that thought it would definitely make it before it hit anyone.

Cursing, Kyuhyun lunged forward, wrapping an arm around the man’s waist, yanking him out of the way just as the car flew by honking. “Shit…,” he breathed miserably, head aching again. He released the male’s waist, coming eye to eye with the person he had saved.

 

_I want to redo it all._

The baseball cap had flown away to reveal a head of honey blonde hair. His cheekbones were prominent, and his eyes were large and dark. “Thank you,” he bowed his head, seemingly still in shock from what just happened, “I…I wasn’t watching. I thought they would stop…”

Kyuhyun shook his head. “It’s fine. Drivers are crazy these days.” He couldn’t stop staring at the male though. For a second, he was sure that it was just a hallucination. “…excuse me, how old are you?”

“I’m turning twenty in a few days,” the boy responded, smiling a little, “How about you?”

“Twenty-eight,” Kyuhyun replied, “I’m an old man.”

He laughed, sweet and familiar. “That’s okay. You’re still young looking. My name is Li Xu, by the way. I’m new to Korea.”

 

_I want to fall in love with you and know it right away._

Kyuhyun released the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. It really was a different person. He smiled a little, just a little, and then offered his hand. “My name is Cho Kyuhyun. I know this is sudden, but would you like to get tea with me?”  

 

_I don’t want to wait until it’s too late and you’re gone again._


End file.
